She is her own worst enemy, denying the evil she has done
Remember the chair of the PURR Cat program I first told you about a few months ago? She's also the Inmate Advisory Council White Rep here in my own housing unit. She holds these positions of trust and leadership and uses all she touches to advance her drug and pill addictions. She even diverts her Suboxone sublingual strips by attaching it to the bottom of her denture. She then snorts it or trades it or both. She walks around like she's smarter than the rest of us, even smarter than the very system we all live in.
She went to the Board of Prison Terms for her latest lifer parole hearing a couple of weeks ago. Remember, as a lifer myself, you have either killed someone or seriously injured them. So, it takes hard self work, sincerity and honesty. I've said before I can always tell who is going to get parole. So, by contrast I also always know who will not get parole! It's not rocket science. So when this women went to the board, I prayed a prayer for her, as God commands me to do. However when she came back with a 5 year roll [she was given 5 more years in prison, ed.], she was surprised!!
How are you surprised when I was not at all surprised??
I take no pleasure in watching this woman struggle. But she's so deep into her addiction and denial that she blamed this huge failure on the parole board "nit-picking" with her!? After watching her behavior for years, I believe she may be a textbook sociopathic personality. No remorse over her victim. She talks about him as if he deserved to die.
She holds a job where she takes ice to trade for pills. Ice is a huge commodity in prison! She works at the prison bike shop where there is an ice machine. Daily she trucks back huge bags of ice in her purse and in her roommate's purse. She then meets her pill supplier on the yard for the trade.
See, I actually pity her. Deep denial is a beast she's losing the battle with. Because of her refusal to simply change and do the right things, like rehabilitative classes and leave pills and drugs alone, she'll be spending her 50th birthday here, when she could have been free as a bird!
As a lifer, we must take parole so seriously that we give up all the habits and ways that got us here! We must work the 12 steps and allow ourselves to feel the compassion and remorse for those and the relatives of those we've harmed!! I take my parole seriously. So, I have given up all of the BS I used to do! I go to NA meetings weekly and I am serious about being a better person. I hate what I did to my victim. It's not about us at the hearing. It's all about whom we hurt!
Her parole denial is PROOF that the system works! Those of us who work an honest program and do the right things, which aren't always easy, aren't left feeling like all we do is for nothing. These cameras are now on. Before we go to parole board they begin watching us live to see what we're really behaving like. I'm cool with that. I want them to separate the wheat from the chaff any way they can. I'm someone who's come a long way. I never thought I'd change. I did the work and I was transformed. So, when I watch my fellow life-prisoner peer keep doing the same crap and expecting different results, I simply feel pity. This woman refuses to change! See, she's her own worst enemy. She's extended her own sentence and doesn't even realize it. She's outsmarted herself.