Santa Monica Observer - Community, Diversity, Sustainability and other Overused Words

By Amber S. Jackson
Lucky Lifer 

Countdown: 3, 2, 1: This Female Inmate is Close To Release

Slang will be different. Clothing will be different. Customs will be different. Most importantly I'm different.

 

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It's hard to believe. This is almost over! My prison stay is almost over. By God's grace. I'll be 38 in a few days. ( Feb. 18th ) It's nothing to celebrate. But my life is about to change! I'll be free very soon. I'll be able to light up a Newport and go to an N.A. meeting in the real world for a change!

I'm bracing to the culture shock I'm sure to feel. I'm also preparing for things to not be perfect simply because I'm out of prison. The job market is hot at the moment. I hope to take advantage of it! I'm ready to work. I am blessed by any employer willing to give me my first job! That will mean a lot to me! I'm thinking over how to get my "real" ID card, social security card, and birth certificate. All vital paperwork for employment. I'll need Health insurance. The dreaded smart phone. I must learn how to use it. It's nothing like this prison tablet! I have some learning to do. I'll have to have patience with myself and with the world around me. All these thoughts are running through my head as I wait for the next phase of my return.

There will be an initial honeymoon period. Then reality will set in! The adrenaline will subside. Slang will be different. Clothing will be different. Customs will be different. Most importantly I'm different. I'll see things I once liked such as different foods and I won't have a taste for them anymore. I'll have to get to know myself all over again. This will take time. I've been locked up half of my life. I was a little girl when I came into prison. I'm now a fully matured woman. I know some basic things about myself won't change. For sure, I am having kids! I want to work with the homeless. But the smaller things like what I'll like to wear, eat, etc., will take time to feel out. I'll give myself space to grow And that's okay. I believe happy is a direction, not a destination.

Today, we're locked in the cell because of short staff, again. On top of covid. I'm using this time to condition my mind for my release. Reentry is a state of mind. My mind has already begun to transition out of prison. Until recently, I never before envisioned my life after prison. I believe the Lord is getting me ready for this new beginning. It's coming faster than ever I thought. God wants me to be prepared. I'm going to hold tightly to my support system after release! One or the biggest mistakes people make after reeenty is dropping their support systems! This will lead to failure! I will not be making that mistake. I have a sobriety sponsor who helps me stay on the right track! That will be my first call. The handful of people in my life have been on this journey with me. They look forward to sharing in my success after prison.

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Of course I'll be keeping you posted here at the Observer of everything that happens with me after my release. Everything. All the ups and downs. You all are part of my support system! I'll especially keep you up on my love life after release. I have a man I love, which I told you about. My Virgo. I'll be sure to let you know how that goes.

When I get an update, I'll share it with you. I don't know when the exact time frame is just yet. As soon as I know more, I'll tell you more! The best news is that this is happening and I have time to meditate and allow my mind to absorb all this! I can't even remember how freedom feels. My brain knows this is happening. But I am still adjusting to knowing I'll be free soon.

*RECOMMENDED READING #2:

"A Divine Revelation Of Hell"

By Mary K. Baxter

 

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